1 Month of No TV For My Toddler

I decided to go completely cold turkey on TV for my toddler recently. It was over four weeks ago when I turned it off for good. You might read that and think poor kid, why take away her childhood? But funnily enough that's exactly what I am trying to protect, I desperately want to preserve her childhood.

As a disclaimer, I don’t believe TV is inherently bad.. but just like phones and other screens it can easily become very addictive. Especially for little viewers, who aren’t old enough yet to comprehend why they can’t watch just one more episode! Even us adults struggle with turning the TV off, whether it’s Netflix binging, daytime television or news, it can become such a normality to have the TV on. So much so, that the silence that comes with turning it off then starts to feel.. uncomfortable.

Where Things Started..

Our daughter, now two, had been watching TV moderately probably since she was about one. She doesn’t use any other screens, I never let her on my phone and she doesn’t have an iPad. I think the only exception is I allow her to use a painting app on my mother in-laws iPad every now and then. I was always very picky about what she would watch on TV. I’d make sure the TV shows were low stimulation, educational, slow cartoons, 1990’s oldies, or documentaries etc because I am aware of the harmful impacts of dopamine triggering modern TV. Most days the TV wouldn’t be on for more than 1-1.5 hours, often less, occasionally more when counting Mum and Dads shows too.

I had however fallen into the trap of relying on the TV a little more after I had given birth to my second child. The transition to two under two was tough, I was unsure of myself in the beginning. As I’m sure many mums experience, I was quite stressed and I initially lacked confidence in my ability to handle both little ones at once on my own. I thought the TV was a helpful hand, just here and there. A few episodes of Peter Rabbit so I could more easily cook dinner. No harm right?

A harsh truth, for myself included, was that turning on the TV can become an easy route out of real parenting, offering a moments peace to focus on a task, but the breather you get is a very very mixed blessing. Sure, for twenty minutes you get a pacified child, sitting still, glued to the screen so you can cook or do the dishes uninterrupted, but the long term ramifications are so easily overlooked.

Despite my efforts to be mindful with our TV usage, it got to a point with my daughter where she was asking for the tv on all day every day. She may only watch two twenty minute or so episodes in a day, but that was enough for her to get hooked. TV was usually the first thing she asked for in a morning when she came downstairs. She would cry when I declined, pushing the remote in my hands demanding it on. There were so many tantrums involving TV sapping the joy out of our days. It was completely clouding her mind, distracting her from anything else she was doing. To reiterate, this was with low-stimulation tv shows, shows like the original Peter Rabbit, Guess How Much I Love You, or Rosie and Jim, never has she watched Cocomelon. Yet her brain still found this big entertaining screen all consuming.

I started feeling much more guilty whenever she was watching something because I’d be thinking of the aftermath. I’d be thinking of how it was affecting her brain, and the emotional dysregulation I knew she would experience afterwards. She would cry a devastating cry whenever I turned it off.

I started to really think about it and became very aware of the shift in the world from a play-based childhood, to a screen based childhood. The last thing I wanted was my child to not know what to do with herself or how to creatively play when the TV wasn’t on.

Across YouTube I found people talking about being completely screen free and the wonderful transformations they saw in their children. The idea resonated with me but I doubted for a while whether I’d ever be able to cut TV out completely, and was it so bad to completely eliminate? I dabbled in a couple days of detox here and there, always caving and switching it back on, which never solved anything. But ultimately the research I did and seeing other people’s positive experiences encouraged me towards turning it off for good.

Why TV is Harmful for Young Children

TV in general but particularly children’s shows are flashy, vibrant and full of sounds, offering a very intense and stimulating experience. This quickly triggers a big release of dopamine, the pleasure hormone, meaning that TV can actually act as a drug, a stimulant for our little ones.

Shows like Miss Rachel and Cocomelon are high stimulation and carefully designed to hold a child’s attention, and children who view them even in moderation feel very real symptoms of addiction and withdrawal. In my experience, even shows people categorise as ‘low stimulation’ can still have the same effect. It’s the same for TV with adults too, but small children cannot at all comprehend what healthy screen time is, and why it’s important to switch off. Understandably, turning the TV off against their wishes leaves them very emotionally dysregulated. The more they are exposed to the shows, the more the brain craves and expects that high level of stimulation. This makes it impossible for them to play creatively or independently screen free.. because toys just aren’t as fun anymore in comparison.

Another issue for concern is that small children don’t realise that the content they view on TV isn't always real. They are too young to distinguish between what is imaginary and what is real life. Whether it’s endearing cartoon characters chasing and bopping each-other on the head before exploding in crashes, or scary previews for the newest horror film release during adverts, this content is impossible for their little minds to process.

The original 90s Peter Rabbit cartoons were once my daughters favourite, I thought there couldn’t be a much more innocent TV show choice than that. But I was suprised to view a scene involving two menacing rats tying up a helpless kitten, trying to cook him in a pie! It was coupled with some eerie music making for rather uncomfortable viewing, even for myself. My daughter started asking for it off and I don’t blame her, I could tell she didn’t like it.

Other content too mature for children’s understanding like sexualised advertisements also pose problems, they create scenarios in children's minds, repeating over and over causing distress as they fail to extract what they mean.

Another problem is that many cartoon characters express immoral and undesirable behaviours and very young children being sponges to their environments will watch and imitate these interactions. They are at a crucial age of learning how to communicate, learning correct behaviour and boundaries. Boundaries which should be extracted from interactions with real people and role models in the real world. The exposure inevitably can lead to behavioural problems.

Toddlers also require real two way interactions in order to learn language. TVs do not respond back, and although some content is educationally designed for children, it’s often still difficult for toddlers to translate shows into their own life especially when viewed in isolation while we parents are off doing chores.

A study found the average three-year-old was exposed to two hours and 52 minutes of screen time a day. Researchers estimated this led to those children being exposed to 1,139 fewer adult words, 843 fewer child words and 194 fewer conversations. For every extra minute of screen time, the three-year-olds in the study were hearing seven fewer words, speaking five fewer words themselves and engaging in one less conversation.

Children are built to learn by using all their senses, experimenting, making mistakes through play and exploration. The TV is merely a one dimensional experience, a flat screen with moving pictures that don’t always have much to do with real life. It can be isolating, and small children will extract a script from their favourite shows and use that to motivate their play. When a roomful of children have TV scripts driving their play, the play is between many separate children each alone with their invisible script, rather than many children creating something together. When a child doesn’t play according to another child’s script, that child can erupt in big feelings.

For me, the biggest reason for eliminating screens and TV completely was to encourage and develop my child’s ability to play. In a world full of technology, childhood is increasingly short, and I believe exposure to devices and screens given too early will snatch away a childhood, because children will grow to prefer the easier, lazier, more stimulating form of entertainment available. Much like us adults.

A Month Without TV

Now it’s been over a month, I can honestly say it’s been one of the best decisions I've ever made. It’s been as much a detox for myself as it has for my child. Because of course whatever you’re putting on the big screen for yourself counts towards your children’s screen time too if they’re around. Me and Dad now both only ever indulge in TV when our children are asleep or not present, which has been an adjustment, but neither of us were that attached to TV to begin with. The only real exception is Daddy’s football matches which he watches on his phone.. but I asked my daughter during the last match whether she liked football, and she replied ‘Nope!’ .. so no real concern there. Like Mama, she’s not interested in football!

The change in her behaviour has been like night and day. It’s beautiful to watch her playing creatively and independently now for much longer stretches of time, no more getting distracted with the thought of TV. No more daily tantrums over it. She happily plays with her animals, enjoys colouring, reading book after book after book! The main change has been the sheer increase in the amount of story books we go through in a day. She’s always loved reading so we will read (and reread and reread!) all her favourites daily. I can’t complain because no matter how bored I am of reading the same book, I’d much rather be helping to develop her language than her sitting watching TV.

It’s as if she has forgotten about TV now, due to her young age those once all consuming favourite shows have quite easily drifted into something of a memory. There was definitely resistance during the first couple of days after turning it off, but not so much after that. She does ask for TV very occasionally from time to time, but she’s easily distracted with a swift topic change. Phew! It’s been lovely spending lots of time outside, enjoying the small things, and prioritising time as a family.

She’s now free to explore her interests and enjoy her precious childhood, doing all the things kids should be doing, picking up worms, dancing in the living-room with Daddy or throwing all our laundry down the stairs. I was worried about more chaos with no TV to lend a helping hand with parenting but now that her independent play muscles have been strengthened, there isn’t as much chaos as I anticipated. There’s still endless chores to do at home and not enough hours in the day, but my daughter isn’t relentlessly crying over the TV, so there’s less stress on that front. Now, she’s having meltdowns over wanting to eat nothing but ice cream all day every day. But that’s a problem for another day and maybe some homemade healthy icecream. I’m at-least relieved she’s not having tantrums over both TV and icecream!

I enjoy the new quiet in the house. I talk to my daughter while we eat, I always feel present and focused on what she needs, not distracted by seeing what happens next in a fictional virtual world. I feel better able to handle those highly stimulating moments of stress with two little ones, because there’s less other environmental stimulation, no TV droning on in the house.

So we are sticking with the no TV for now and are enjoying the benefits so far. I’m hoping that no TV in winter won’t be impossible, with reduced daylight and less opportunity to go outside. When the time comes I will do my research and figure out, what the heck kids used to do in winter before technology arrived.. people did it, so it’s doable! Maybe the topic for another blog post..

Us parents do also need to take care of ourselves too, a little down time and entertainment to unplug from the stresses of the day is all good. We can regulate our screen usage much more easily. But the priority should always be our children’s health and development, and I don’t think our leisure shouldn’t come at the cost of that.

As I mentioned, I don’t think TV is inherently bad, and I haven’t eliminated TV with the intention of it being fully permanent. I think many movies are beautiful, educational and inspiring and there’s TV shows that portray powerful messages. TV isn’t the devil here! I do however, believe these things are more beneficial to children once they are older. TV is of no real use to them as babies, or very young kids. I want my daughter to play, run, explore, get dirty and enjoy her childhood. With all this being said, going completely screen free isn’t always easy, parenting is hard (don’t I know it!) and no day will ever be perfect, with or without TV. Striving for perfection isn’t the goal here, it’s simply making better choices as and where we can, and being aware of how screens affect our little ones long term. I hope sharing my experience can help some other mothers out there.

May Peace be Upon You

An English Muslim Homemaker