My recent thoughts on screen-time for my toddlers

I’ve spoken previously on this blog about screen-time and why we chose to eliminate it completely not long after my son was born. My daughter was approaching two years old at the time and moderate TV time was causing countless meltdowns and tantrums. This post is mainly referring to specially TV screen-time.

For a long time we benefited from a complete detox and it was 100% the right decision made, for myself included, as I definitely indulged in a little too much TV at the time too. TV was never on all day but a couple hours a day was definitely enough to cause clear problems. And TV was the only screen we have in our household apart from our personal phones, no iPads or games consoles for the kids. Going cold turkey with TV got rid of that dependency on it so everyone could learn to enjoy the slower things of life.

I firmly believe that parents having a reliance or excessively using screens with children is detrimental. Parents who are conscious of the dangers of screen time may have similarly to us experienced how it inhibits their child’s ability to play independently, play imaginatively and how it causes negative issues with their behaviour.

The societal norm to hand a child a phone or iPad at a restaurant streaming some overly-stimulating show to pacify them really irks me. Children need to be bored sometimes and have the space to experience negative emotions which are naturally a part of life. They should have the space to play, explore and observe the world around them. I don’t think kids should be made to rely on constant entertainment via screens.

But where I’ve started contemplating more is here. Obviously with screen-time you have the extremes of all or nothing and an entire spectrum of approaches in between determined by whatever boundaries us as parents enforce. There’s families out there which will happily allow screens all day, everywhere and anywhere, but some who use it very minimally with a whole rule system surrounding it.

Plus, there are SO many variations of screen-time, different devices, apps or games on phones and iPads, TV shows, films, Xbox games, this is all ‘screen-time’. Kids scrolling through social media is screen-time. Yet these forms can be so entirely different both in their virtual appearance when viewed and how they affect us, how they make us feel and impact us mentally. You can’t exactly compare showing children the classic stop motion animation film of The Wind in the Willows to watching Cocomelon. Or watching a David Attenborough wildlife Documentary to an hour playing Candy-Crush on an iPad, or scrolling YouTube shorts. That’s why I’ve started disliking the umbrella term screen-time because it really does cover so many different things that aren’t entirely alike. Yet in the online parenting sphere if you mention screen-time, peoples minds naturally assume the worst.

I recently read a blog ranking children’s TV shows, and the description of Cocomelon really rings true for me:

‘Watching Cocomelon is the closest I’ve come to doing psychedelic drugs. This is a world of soft edges, wide eyes and rictus grins where looping nursery rhymes and disembodied laughter lull you into a state of deadened euphoria.’

But are ALL children’s TV shows this mind-numbing? No, they aren’t.

So, fast-forward in our household and we did introduce a family movie night once a week, something carefully chosen and toddler appropriate, and honestly that was lovely. My daughter was getting bigger and was able to comprehend more of what she saw on-screen and a weekly film worked as something for us all to look forward to and experience together as family bonding time.

Fast forward a little more now my daughter is three, and speaking truthfully I have allowed the occasional show to be viewed a couple times a week. But here’s my thought process summarised..

My thoughts on screen-time..

1. There’s such a variety of screen-time that it simply can’t all be categorised in the same brain-rotting box. I have fond memories from childhood of TV shows such as Come Outside with the lovable characters of Auntie Mabel and Pippin the Dog, a British educational TV series teaching children about the world as they travel around in their polkadot plane. It’s slow, informative, interesting, innocent and joyful, it always brings me a smile of nostalgia when I see it. Not all TV shows are the same but there’s more from the 90s and early 2000s I can recall that were produced and designed differently, nothing flashy, fast, mind-numbing or over-stimulating. It just doesn’t feel right to ban these shows in my household even in small quantities because there’s such innocent joy to be had.

   
   

2. Surely not all things that are bad for our children in large quantities should be banned even in small quantities completely? How many parents entirely ban chocolates, sweets and cakes from their homes? Eaten all day these things have the power to destroy teeth and cause obesity, of-course. But we all know it’s our responsibility as parents to moderate our children’s consumption of sweet treats and keep it minimal. Just because deserts are unhealthy in large quantities doesn’t mean we remove them from our homes completely. We teach our children how to eat healthy and have a balanced diet through exposure to these foods and most parents allow the enjoyment of sweets only when lunch or dinner has been eaten and other nutritional needs have been met.

   
   

   Shouldn’t TV be viewed similarly? Yes, any screen-time indulged in excess is harmful, isolating, turns you into a lazy couch-potato. But we can’t deny theres joy to be had from a small amount of wholesome or educational TV, and this leisure I believe should be part of a balanced day, moderated by parents.

   
   

3. Carefully choosing and filtering our screen-time, our films and TV shows, to those that are truly wholesome can go towards creating a cosy, homey and joyful environment at home. It’s no easy feat today, since there’s so much nonsense, violence and simply unbeneficial TV. But, if we make that effort not just to turn on the kids channel but to curate a selection of parentally reviewed and beautiful media that innocently invites warmth, cheer and knowledge to our homes .. then I think that’s a good thing. I’m always thinking about the ‘soundtrack of my home’ what sounds bring me joy and create a lovely atmosphere to live in. What will create fond memories for my children? Listening on occasion to the sweet ramblings of the woodland creatures of Brambly Hedge is something, for me, that nurtures a safe and cosy feel at home. A few sweet shows I’ve come across are as mentioned, Brambly Hedge, Old Bear Tales, Bird Bath, and Come Outside.

Are screen-free alternatives like the Yoto player a good choice?

Something else I’d like to mention is our recent experience with the well known Yoto player. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s marketed as a screen-free entertainment alternative for kids, basically an audio player where you insert cards like CD’s and kids can listen to stories or music. It’s small, handheld, portable, and the main enticing advertising element is that it’s screen-free! So you can give your child free rein with it and have peace of mind right? Maybe not.

When my daughter was given this little ‘story box’ as we called it, she became glued to it, didn’t want to put it down and was zombified, as my husband described, ‘I don’t like it.. she looks completely out of it’. Previously she had been asking me to tell her stories all day every day, it was her favourite thing, which although was challenging for me to think up stories constantly, it was still something sweet that I loved. Yet now she would ignore me when I asked her if she wanted me to tell her a story and chose the Yoto player instead. I was crushed .. and felt so guilty. This machine was replacing our natural human interactions and was isolating her. Bear in mind, she only had this device for 24 hours, I decided to put it away the next morning and hope she forgot about it.

Of course it could just have been the novelty of a new ‘toy’ but I didn’t want to risk it as I didn’t like the way it was changing her behaviour. I’d researched online and other parents had reported the same obsessive behaviours spanning weeks and more after purchase so I decided to act fast before it was too late. The problem with the Yoto player is that it’s so small, so perfect for little hands, she could just run off with it to another room. You can’t run off with a TV or something larger that’s plugged in.

The point here I’m trying to make is that the Yoto-player is marketed as screen-free.. yet it still causes the same obsessive and dependent behaviours as screens, stopping kids playing imaginatively with toys and interacting in the present with real other people. So a screen-free alternative device can in some cases be worse, than possibly some carefully chosen sparingly used TV time. This is my opinion and experience anyway.

Final thoughts

So I think for now my intentions are to keep TV time very minimal and what’s on will be very carefully selected. A weekly movie and a couple short shows a week isn’t something I feel guilty about. I think it’s important to be continually mindful of how any screens are impacting our children and adjusting our choices and our routines to what’s best for them, not most convenient for us. Young children are especially sensitive to what they view so I think slower, innocent, less stimulating shows which have been parentally reviewed are what should be chosen. Anything new that I put on for the kids and end up thinking is annoying nonsense.. I turn straight off!

Sometimes we all need rest, sometimes half an hour sat snuggled up watching a sweet show together to rejuvenate is truly beneficial. Of course there will always be some friction with small children when enforcing limits, because they’re young and need help learning and understanding healthy boundaries, but that’s ok. Thats normal. It’s our job as parents to support our children through difficult feelings and carry-out what’s best for them. I think when a child’s routine is filled with plenty of space to play, read, have time outside, help in the kitchen, all the good stuff, then I think an episode of a beloved show can compliment a healthy lifestyle.

So for now I’m enjoying the lovely nostalgia of some of my old childhood TV favourites and love seeing my daughters smile and laugh cracking up at the same joyful moments I once did.

Peace be upon you,

An English Muslim Homemaker